Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

You’re a Bamma to Somebody

Posted: November 3, 2012 by Uptown_Ro in Life
In my younger years I had no morals… i dated bad joints right… thats not the part that deals with my morality but the fact that if they were married, engaged and or had a boyfriend meant nothing to me. With that said fuck you and your judgments and keep reading….When i was 21 I dated this one married sista in her early 30’s. She likes to smoke and was her enabler. We had met at my barbershop and place of business… she would come on a get her meds if you wil.. So after months of this she asked me out and so began our “immoral” relationship.
She was fine, brownskinted and had money.. she loved leather with spikes and colorful clothing…. I think it was cuz she was from NY so she liked all types of flashy shit and she was a Rush type of person, she would do anything for a rush, if it wasnt risky it didnt excite her. So in retrospect i was part of her risky lifestyle. after several months she invited me home to Bushwick part of Brooklyn for her grannys bday and i was down. We headed up i was pushin her Lexus like it was mine, wining and dining and she picked every bill up, it was a glorious time. All she wanted was a young strong buck tending to her.
Ok so we get to her party and it seemed like any ol Jamaican family get together in a community center. music poppin errybody drinkin, food was the best west indian food ive ever had, we was in there sweatin it up doing th ebogle and butterflyin like nobodies business.
About 2 and half hours into the party she leans in and says “My clown ass little cousin gonna do one of his little raps” so off the break im thinkin its some little teenager wanting to rap in front of his nana and family, you know like Apollo style n shit. The DJ finally takes the dancehall off and throws on Flava in Your Ear.. it had come out like the year before and im like oh shit lil dude bout to freestyle on top of this hot track….
Busta Rhymes and Rampage walk in and start rappin…. and rappin HARD like in teh damn video, rappin hard as fuck, too hard for a small ass community center with only family around….MY JAW DROPPED… i was tryna keep my laughter in cuz I was expecting the little corny cousins and what i got was Busta Rhymes animated ass in a suede and leather outfit sweatin and rapping… HARD….. in a tiny community center rappin to 50+ yr old ppl WHOO HAAA GOT YOU ALL N CHECK! llls shit was hilarious. I couldnt keep it together we had to leave cuz i couldnt contain my laughter. when we walked back in, she introduced me to both em and we drank and smoked and had a good ass time the rest of the night, they turned out to be cool ass dudes…
So ladies and gentleman i leave you with this…. no matter how much of a star someone is or you think you are… you’re a bamma to somebody aka somebodies corny ass little cousin…… HUMBLE YOSELF….
Oh and the Morality part of the story… thats TO BE CONTINUED in “Dating a Married Woman”

This Random Act of Fuckery hasn’t gone unnoticed.

I’ve said this countless times, and I will take time out to say it again. Definitely something that bears repeating. As someone who needs glasses to see things, it really vexes me to see every wannabe trendy hipster-ish (another blog in the future) herb rocking the lensless fashion glasses. Even the word lensless looks stupid. This goes for the ones with straight plastic lenses too. If they don’t come with “medicine” in them, that’s a no-no baby bro (this is directed at dudes, although you ladies commit this heinous act as well, most of yall are equipped with a lying skill that my bullshit meter often cannot detect. Still guilty though). I honestly can’t even figure out who’s the source to blame on this one. Cornball athletes in press conferences, celebrities galore, or even the nincompoops who wear their 3D glasses outside, because “they’re different.” Take your pick. Anyway, the young trendsetters, and fool ass fools that accompany them, many have made the fatal flaw in thinking that something once reserved for Nerds and Geeks could be transformed into chic, savvy panache. We always had panache. Didn’t need your help.

STRAIGHT UP, WRONG. Here’s just 5 reasons why (and believe it, I have 15)

1: Look at what you are saying about yourself. You’d rather look intelligent than be intelligent. This speaks for itself, if you need further explanation, go ahead and keep wearing your non lensed frames. So Far Gone (yup, he’s at fault here too)

2: Leave it to the Pros. Every single year I go for a new prescription for my corrective lenses, of which my eyes undergo mydriatic medications, which for you non nerdy, popout glasses simpletons, is dilating the pupils. Have you ever put these drops in your eyes? You’re chilling, and all of a sudden, a flaming numbness attacks your eyeballs, so much that you have to wear eye protection that look like Kool Moe Dee’s Porsche 5620 sunglasses (search, I’ll wait) without the arms on the side (, click it, I will wait). I don’t see you fucktards wearing these.

3. You actually look stupid. Tempted to simplify this one just like number one, I know you might be asking “Whoa, Fonsirelly, how exactly is it that you know when someones wearing fake glasses?” Well, lads and lassies, I will tell you. For one, they usually don’t have lenses (Duh). For two, the ones that do have lenses often look at me, in my nicely prescriptioned wayfarer-styled glasses, as if I am wearing the same pair of Jordans they have on. Yea, THAT stupid look, as if we could possibly be in the same intelligence bracket, or that we are friends. No buddy, we can’t. You lose. Dreadfully.

4. Most of the time you are doing it wrong, anyway. See, the problem with copycats is that their mimicry often makes for a horrible copy of the original. Like them Fubu Air Force Ones. Believe it or not, there is a science to wearing spectacles. The biggest factor in deciding this, facial size. You big head, pancake faced cats don’t need to be caught in the perfectly round, mouth-of-a-soda-bottle frames. Also, you little faced hunnies need to chill with OD’in on them big round sunglasses, you look like bugs (not all, but most can’t pull these off like they think).

5. Whats next? Tricked Out Wheel Chairs? Bedazzled Walking Canes? Outfit-matching Walkers and Crutches? Embroidered Eye Patches? My point exactly, I’m not the one reaching here; YOU ARE, the moment you decided to put on glasses that you didn’t need. You wanna be trendy? Beaglepuss. Put those on, and walk around. (Once again, I’ll wait for you to search that.)

In summary, just chill. Play your position. Not everything is for everybody, and fake glasses are for movies. It’s better to wear spectacles if you need them, not to become one.

Its all a ploy for attention. Stop infiltrating my women, by imitating my craft. Being this fly of a Nerd takes work. Something you don’t get overnight, FedEx shipped to your doorstep with your other accessories.

Act Accordingly.