The Top 5 Reasons I Could Never Be a Rapper

Posted: November 10, 2012 by degrate in Uncategorized

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So one of my followers was getting into it with Killer Mike over one of these billions of PhotoShopped Obama/Dr King pictures and for some strange reason Killer Mike was really upset about it. I read the back and forth banter for a while then it dawned on me “This nigga won a Grammy and now he arguing with ordinary people about pictures of Obama this nigga losing”. How did homie get here? Then it hit me…

1. Rappers fall off everyday B
Unlike being an athlete, singer or an actor falling off from rapping has to be the hardest. Once an athlete’s career is done he can become a commentator, sports analysis and coach or get a job in the front office of some team. Singers can dial down to doing smaller venues after the records stop selling; Boyz II Men are still on tour performing “End of the Road” like twice a week. Once the records stop selling you still have your voice so you can still sing until people stop coming to your shows. Actors can go on to live regular lives with the occasionally “Weren’t you Stacy in the Wood or something?” and if you say no they’ll probably take you at your word as you attempt to sell them a car stereo at Best Buy. Fallen rappers woes go much deeper you can’t go on to be a bank teller at PNC after winning a Grammy niggas are going to know who you are. You have no choice but try to keep the dream alive even after your tour bus turns into a cargo van and your bankroll turns into a prepaid VISA that you’re only suppose to use to buy gas. Media Takeout is going to post pictures of you standing in line a Wal-Mart like they did Beanie and the world is going to laugh at you.

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2. I can’t go back to broke
If I’m making 20 bucks an hour I know it will take sweet baby Jesus personally coming down from heaven to get me to go back to making 10 an hour. So if I got to go from balling out of control and dressing like 2Chainz back to driving an average man Jeep Compass and shopping for my clothes in TJ Maxx you might as well kill me. I got to move to a 3rd world country where niggas making like 18 cents a day so I can maintain my balling just a little bit longer. I’d be killing it in the slums of Mongolia with a hut the size of a grocery store.

3. My friends going to want to be put on
If you can’t sing you know you can’t sing nobody is going to have Simon Cowell William Hung you to see it. If you can’t play ball you know you can’t play ball, none of Lebron’s homies are asking for tryouts with the Heat. Every black man under 40 thinks he can rap especially with what’s passing for music these days. Even I think I can rap and I don’t rap at all but I put words together all the time. I’d get my Dylon on in the booth and spit hot fire. So just imagine when all my homies keep showing up at the studio trying to put down their 16 bars on my remix and I got to tell them all to get fuck out of here. I’ll be friendless.

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4. I don’t do drugs
I could never get up with my rapper cohorts because they are going to be popping Mollies and I’ll be sitting there sober. They’ll be having the time of their lives smoking loud while drinking prescription grade cough syrup and I’ll be sitting in the corner quietly smoking my black & mild cigar. I don’t want to have seizures like Rick Ross and Lil Wayne. I can’t show up to the party smoking Reggie and drinking children’s strength grape Dimetapp to fit in, they’re going to laugh at me. Just imagine how Rick Ross’s titties bounce when he’s laughing I’d be scarred for life.

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5. I’d try to fuck every girl on the video set
Anybody saw French Montana’s “Pop That” video? Of course you did, but if you didn’t go ahead click over to YouTube. Fire that video up I’ll be waiting right here when you get back… You see those half naked women running around shaking ass like shit is sweet? Oh, I couldn’t have been there, at least 1 of them would have gotten fucked before they even started shooting. I’d just grab a few of those Mollies off of Rick Ross and get the party started. I wouldn’t get shit accomplished because I’d be chasing down these video hoes.

I got to stick with this average Joe life
Jean DeGrate won’t be rapping

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