Archive for September, 2012

NFL Week 3 Review (Week 4 Predictions)

Posted: September 28, 2012 by fatz.maneli in Uncategorized
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Did you ever think you’d see the day when the referee’s would get a standing ovation and they’d be out there on the field tipping their hats like royalty? Welp, that just happened last night before the game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Cleveland Browns. Last nights game was the first game of the season in which the OG Refs officiated. The saying, “You never know what you have until its gone” seems all too real when thinking about these damn near unwatchable games we’ve been provided with for the first three weeks of the season. Week 3 marked another abysmal performance by the substitute refs. Cats damn near got their heads taken off during games with no flags thrown, phantom holding calls, extra timeouts, bogus penalty yards marched off, and oh yeah, the straw that broke the camels back, an interception was called a touchdown by a dude that was fired from refereeing Junior College Football. The owners and the refs had to work out a deal after that disaster, although your man Goodell insists on stating that this weeks games had nothing to do with the decision. Oh aight.

Are we witnessing a changing of the guard with these so called Elite Quarterbacks and Teams struggling out of the gates or is it still too early? Was Sean Payton really that instrumental in the success of the Saints that they’ve now gone 0-3 against the Redskins, Panthers and CHIEFS?

More struggling teams: the Steelers, Patriots and Packers. All of whom are 1-2 at this point in the season. Now, 1-2 is not nearly time to panic, but the fashion in which those teams have come to reach that record is a cause for concern. The Steelers began the season losing the Sir Stiff Neck and the Broncos, won against the fraudulent Jets and capped it off with a loss to the Carson Palmer led OAKLAND RAIDERS. Yeah, the Raiders. The Patriots began with a win against the non impressive Titans and back-to-back losses versus the Cardinals and Ravens. And then theres the Discount Double Bunch, opening with a loss to a great team in the 49ers, a win against the Bears and losing Monday night against the Seahawks. Although they were robbed at the end of the game, the Packers struggled the entire game to do anything against the Seahawks. I mean, damn, those cats had 8 sacks in the first half. Clemons, Mebane and Irvin set up shop in the Packers backfield and Rodgers had zero answers for them. They have a horrible rushing attack and the only person showing up on D is Roid Matthews.

A few bright spots and somewhat surprises from the first few weeks are: The Atlanta Falcons, Houston Texans and Arizona Cardinals, Yuuuuuuuup! Each of these teams have begun the season 3-0 and have looked impressive defensively. The Falcons may very well have the best Wide Receiver core in the league and Matty Ice is staright killin it right now. We had a pretty good feeling the Texans we’re going to be a team to beat this year with their high powered offense and now healthy QB, but we had questions about that defense after the loss of Super Mario during the offseason. The main reason we have come to forget about Mario is non other than J.J. Watt. If you don’t know who this young fella is, get hip, quick. But the surprise of the season so far is the Arizona Cardinals. Edging out the Seahawks in week one, stunning the Pats in week two and straight punished the Eagles in week three. And they are doing all of this with… Kevin Kolb. Also of note, they’ve been playing lights out defense being able to get to the QB and cause turnovers.

Week 4’s Prediction’s are as follows:
New England over Buffalo
San Francisco over New York Jets
Seattle over St. Louis
Atlanta over Carolina
Minnesota over Detroit
San Diego over Kansas City
Houston over Tennessee
Cincinnati over Jacksonville
Denver over Oakland
Arizona over Miami
Tampa Bay over Washington
Green Bay over New Orleans
New York Giants over Philadelphia
Dallas over Chicago

Til next week,
Statz Maneli

REAL REF’s BACK!!!

Ed Hochuli is Back. BAWSE!!

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CWD – Common Woman’s Disease

Posted: September 25, 2012 by degrate in Uncategorized

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Do you want your man to tell you the WHOLE truth and do you think you’re really ready for it?

Do you think you can change your mate to better suit you?

Do ask your girlfriends what do about your man?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions you may be suffering from CWD and CWD is the leading cause of female loneliness.

The truth is a very powerful thing and most people think they want it not knowing what really to expect. A female will say baby I always want you to be honest with me and follow it up with a question that has an answer to make her face look like she just bit into a lemon covered in vinegar.

Example A – You might ask your man what he did last night and the truth will be…

“I went to the strip club with Mike and the crew, got stupid drunk, and spent about 700 on lap dances from one of the finest bitches I ever seen I my life. Nigga listen… I’d seriously drink that bitch bath water. Shit all this week I’m going to have to bring my lunch to work and I got to cancel date night because I’ve fucked the money up; but I’ll gladly do it again. To top it off when I come over tonight I’ll be thinking about her when I’m laying you up in you.”

Now what you really want is that watered down truth that goes like this…

“I went out with Mike and them; I must have drunk way too much because I was spending money like a fool.”

Example B – You might ask your man what attracted him to you and the truth will be…

“Real talk I really wanted your girlfriend, she is phatter than a muthafucka, but when I walked on the group you smiled and said “hello”. Why wouldn’t I go with the sure thing? You were cute enough and your titties were out and shit so fuck it, I went with you. I’m glad you spoke up now though if that counts for anything. By the way if your girlfriend is one of those “try to fuck your man behind your back’ type of bitches you need to keep her the fuck away from me.”

Now what you really want is that watered down truth that goes like this…

“I thought you were cute then you spoke and I felt a vibe from there.”

The truth can be that cold and you don’t really want that, but CWD will lead you to believe that you do. How you going act when the truth gets dropped on you? You going to break-up with him now? Maybe hold an attitude over his head because your homie Stacy ass phatter than yours? Some things are better left unsaid especially if they aren’t deal breakers but will only result in a hurt feeling or two.

Women often get the feeling that they can change a man to better suit their needs and 90% of the time they are wrong as hell, but CWD will tell her that she can do it. In her course to make him the man she wants him to be she will normally drive him to cheat, away, or just crazy and sometimes all three. There are only two things that are guaranteed to change a man a. a near death experience and b. time. Most of you don’t even know what you are doing. You’ll say things like “if I could just get him to stop going out so much” or “I’m going to get him to take me out more” and subconsciously you’ll begin making nagging demands or catching attitudes to make him do as you wish. Is the shit he doing making you unhappy to the point you don’t want to deal with him? If so tell him straight out he might make a change. If it’s not a deal breaker go find some chill.

Listening to your girlfriends will fuck a relationship up. No… wait… I’m wrong let me take that back… listening to your girlfriends then letting CWD hype you up into doing some dumb shit will fuck up a relationship. I’ve seen some chicks tell another chick to do some shit they would never do if the shoe was on the other foot. “Girl, if I was you I wouldn’t be going for any of that shit, he couldn’t be my man doing all that.” That’s the dumb shit that will have you popping up at a dude job looking for “work boo’s” and texting him from strange numbers with made up names in the middle of the night just to see how he’s going to act. They can’t help you because they aren’t you, keeping them out of your business will keep you in business.

There is no cure for CWD but you can fight these symptoms you just have to stay on top of this type of behavior.

When you see CWD bearing its ugly head push it back down.

If you’re lonely, think men ain’t shit, or never had a relationship to last longer than 2 years; baby go see a doctor you just might be sick.

Stay Healthy
Jean DeGrate has spoken

I Know What a Good Man is Now

Posted: September 24, 2012 by degrate in Uncategorized

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Thanks to social media, black women with unrealistically high standards, and the two Tyler Perry movies I’ve seen I know exactly what a good/real man is and let me tell you he is one hell of a guy. In “Why Did I Get Married” the policeman aka a real man took in an overweight disgruntle married woman gave her a job and then they fell in love. A good man is the kind of guy that will carry his woman or give her his shoes because the stupid high heels she decided to wear on this long walk are killing her feet. A good man is a super hero multiplied by a simp then multiplied by Barack Obama. Seriously it’s in the bible.

A good man will claim another woman’s kids as his own.
That’s right you date a woman with kids so it’s only right to adopt those kids. That’s what real men do. You got to buy those little niglets presents on Christmas, pick them up from after-care, and attend PTA’s meets.

A good man is a provider
If he’s not paying most of the bills he’s paying all the damn bills. It’s the manly thing to do. In this day and age men are women are equals unless money or manual labor is involved then bro it’s all on you.

A good man is a handy man
He can fix a cracked iPhone screen with saran wrap and crazy glue. He can fix a flat tire faster than those pit stop guys in NASCAR and puts together shit from IKEA without and left over pieces in less than 20 minutes.

He’s a great example of a human being
Once you get pass all those super human qualities he just a fucking great guy. He’s understanding, street smart, caring, attentive, honest, brave and studious. He gives blood and does volunteer work at the same damn time. Kids, parents, and pets all love him.

So of course with a guy being this fucking awesome he’s deserving of a good woman right? But every example of a good woman is a chick that cooks, cleans and owns a vagina. That really seems to be the basic guidelines of a good woman. Why would this awesome dude want to settle for just that? Can anybody give me a better depiction for me and my readers?

No serious question though what is a good woman?
Jean DeGrate needs to know

Week in Review (NFL Week 2)

Posted: September 20, 2012 by fatz.maneli in Uncategorized
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Welp! Week 2 is in the books, and my predictions for those games I went a respectable 9-6 (I didn’t pick last Thursday nights game), and in those six losses only 2 of them were decided before the final play. Who the hell would have picked the Arizona Cardinals over the Patriots? Is it me, or are these games taking forever to be over? The Sunday night game between the Broncos and the Falcons began at 8:30pm Eastern Time, and Halftime started at 10:22pm. Most of this can be attributed to the seemingly horribly called game by the Substitute Teachers, I mean Replacement Referees. (Gotta give credit to Bomani Jones for first making that comparison). The rest of that slow game can be attributed to Peyton Manning funkin up the joant with three consecutive interceptions to begin the game, causing a stoppage in play.

Michael Vick had yet another turnover filled game against the Ravens, only to pull the game out in the end. At this point I’d be surprised if Mike makes it to mid-season due to all of the hits that he’s absorbing because of poor line play. But for now, he is 2-0 to begin the season with back to back one point victories in the final seconds of games.

Is now the time to panic for New Orleans fans? Is now the time for us to tell Drew Brees that “Sean Payton isn’t walkin’ through that door”? I picked the Saints to beat the Panthers, but Cam had something to say about that. Young dude threw for 253 and ran for another 71. Although it ended up being an 8 point victory, the Panthers handled the Saints the entire game. On an unrelated related matter, Snitchn’ Gregg Williams supposedly signed a sworn affidavit on last Friday stating his and players involvement in ‘Bounty System” designed by him. Listen, Coaches in the league need to treat this man like Marlo handled Randy Wagstaff. Yeah, thats your man, but homie sntichn’.

I don’t think I write Eli Manning off ever again in my life. That doofy lookin bama shows ZERO emotion EVER. Times when cuz should be happy, -__-. When he should be blown, -__-. When he wins the Superbowl, -__-. Ole boy threw 3 INT’s in the first half of their game against the Bucs, and I was en route to another incorrect prediction. And then the 2nd half happens. Corky throws for 510yds and 3 TD’s, while having two receivers over 190 yards. I’m become a believer in Eli. If you believed he’d have more Superbowl’s than Peyton, you should play the lottery.

I can’t say enough about the ridiculous turnaround that the 49ers have made in the past year and a half. They’re the clear #1 ranked team right now, backed by a physical defense that reminds me of the early 2000’s Ravens. Safeties that look to kill cats coming across the middle, all while playing within the confines of the rules. Alex Smith is no longer a game manager it seems. He no longer plays not to lose rather to win. Frank Gore is the 49ers All-Time Leader Rusher, Vernon Davis is a robot, Patrick Willis IS the best Line Backer in the NFL and Jim Harbaugh may end up being Coach of the Year again.

One of the sloppiest games over the weekend belonged to the Redskins v Rams. It seems as if after every play there was a fight. Late hits on RG3, phantom unsportsmen-like penalties called on both teams and a tone of make up calls. Something that has been very noticeable through these first two weeks is that these Refs are not respected at all. They are very hesitant to throw flags for fear of being boo’ed by the home crowd or being chastised by players and coaches. I know I wasn’t the only one that saw the ref ask a player did he grab an opposing players jersey only to see the ref pick the flag up. It’s like the Substitute Teacher in your class, “Oh nah Mr. Washington. Ms. Haynes let us use our books on tests all the time”.

Lastly, a few bright spots for players making a big impact early on. Have yall seen Reggie Bush out here acting like he playing Madden on Rookie? Slim is out here running on these folk like he’s back at USC. Also, CJ Spiller is killing it up there in Buffalo thanks to Fragile Fred Jackson doing what he does best… be Fragile. Trent Richardson bounced back from his debut game and ran strong on the Browns for 109 and a TD. And each of the rookie QB’s played stellar games Sunday, going 3-2 with 10 total TD’s.

Prediction for tonight’s Thursday Night Game:
Giants v Panthers – GIANTS

More to come,
Statz Maneli

 

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Your Life is Easy

Posted: September 17, 2012 by degrate in Uncategorized

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People love to complain about their woes and how hard life is. Nigga please, I used to think my life was hard until I turned on the fucking news. I’m not talking about “Timmy that got shot in a drive by in East Oakland” news. Nah, fuck that shit people get shot everyday, I mean unless an unarmed black man gets shot by a white man because that’s big news (somehow Trayvon Martin holding a bag of Skittles and a can of iced tea trumps the entire City of Chicago). I’m talking world news with the India power outage that lasted 20 hours and affected 300 million people. My power was out for 5 days I stayed in a hotel on the other side of town with cable TV, pillow top mattresses, free wifi and a free breakfast buffet every morning. I though I was in hell; my fish died and why should I have to catch an elevator to get a plate full of free bacon. It was fucking torture but somewhere in Africa little boy has never had electricity and has to walk 3 miles to stream for a bucket of water only to carry it on his head back home before school.

We live in a country where homeless people have vices, cell phones and preferences (true story a homeless lady once told me she doesn’t eat pork). The government picks up the tab on child care and medical needs for the less fortunate. Fuck you can get famous here for just acting like an idiot on reality TV or saying funny shit on the internet.

Women
Women are always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how horrible men are but no men ever say “shut the fuck up” because they want to fuck them. Nobody is calling you on your shit. Motherhood is hard I get it, I feel you kind of after all I am I dad. But here’s the catch that puts all back on you… you gave birth to that so you’re responsible for that. If you let a person climb out of your vagina you have to take care of it that’s been the rule since the dawn of time. It’s a thankless job? Fuck you. You’re not supposed to get thanked for cleaning up your own mess. That’s why mother’s day is always on a Sunday because nobody is going to give you a day off for some shit you willingly got into. Here a perk to being a woman… men are always trying to feed you (unless your hideous in that case blame your parents). Strange woman don’t walk up to me in the street trying to take me out to feed and I’m good looking even when women do try to go out with me the meal is still on me.

Racism
Stop pulling the fucking race card shit on everything please. We got a black president and being that black people only make up 16.3% of the US even if every black that was “eligible” to vote voted twice it still wouldn’t be enough for us to single handedly put a black man in office. I hate the cops, but if the police pulled you over maybe you looked like you were up to some shit or did something wrong. With statistics like 1 in 3 black men going to jail and making up 40% of the prison population it’s easy to assume you might be up to some shit. In these cases racially profiling and playing the odds go hand and hand. You haven’t been sprayed by a fireman’s hose or attacked by a policeman’s dog just for standing up for your rights. You haven’t picked cotton and had to call some white man master so go find some chill.

Technology
Despite the lack of flying cars and microwaves that heat food evenly, current technology is the shit, but you people are never happy. The phone that’s currently sitting in my pocket not only makes wireless calls, but it’s a fucking computer. Niggas landed on the moon in a spaceship powered by a jazzy calculator and you fucking ingrates go into full melt down mode when you can’t change your avi on fucking Twitter. If your iPhone/Android phone doesn’t do all you need it to do shut the fuck and build a better one.

We got it sweet for real
Jean DeGrate has spoken

NFL Week 2 Predictions

Posted: September 16, 2012 by fatz.maneli in Uncategorized
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Aight folks, just in time for your Week 2 NFL picks to place those bets. But first, before I even loan my advice. You pick a team, put down this and next months rent and your team loses… Your bad.

This week has a few must see match-ups that at the moment resemble possible playoff/Superbowl match-ups. We have the Battle of the birds (Ravens v Eagles), a rematch of the Handshake Heard ‘Round the World (Lions v 49ers), Peyton Manning trying to show last week wasn’t a fluke (Broncos v Falcons), and the most popular backup QB EVER, Tim Tebow (Jets v Steelers). We also get to take a second look at the record breaking start of the Washington Redskins Rookie Quarteback, Robert Griffin III as they attempt to avoid a team that always gives them trouble in the Sam Bradford led St. Louis Rams.

During week one, we saw Mike Vick pass the ball 56 times with 4 interceptions, while Joe Flacco played mistake free football going for nearly 300yds and 2 touchdowns. The Eagles must rely heavily on Shady McCoy in order to pull this game out but in don’t trust Andy Reid enough to put his pride aside and go against his project of turning Vick into a pocket passer. The Ravens are still led on defense by MC Stab’em Up, Haloti Ngata and Old Man Ed who for some reason scores every time he touches the ball. I’m going with the Ravens in this game and Vick possibly getting knocked out.

Last year, Jim Harbaugh showed us that an after game handshake can lead to the salty party wanted to throw hands, because of all that extra salt of course. Since Harbaugh has become coach of the Niners, they have been playing outstanding. Few turnovers, running the ball well, hard-nosed defense and disciplined play. Jim Schwartz and the Lions have had a nice turnaround as well, but in that camp he seems to be dealing with a few cats that would rather fight dudes in an alley. If this team doesn’t control its young talented players, they will fizzle the same way the Bengals did a few years ago. Matt Stafford and Megatron always gives this team a chance to win at any given time. With that being said though, I’m picking the San Fransisco 49ers to win.

Peyton Manning made a few believers out of us last week with his performance and looks to keep the high powered offense of Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Roddy White and Michael Turner off of the field. Peyton will take advantage of the Falcons misfortune of losing starting Corner Back Brent Grimes for the season. Broncos win.

For many on the outside looking in will have many thoughts about this game, from the legend of Pastor Tebow v Master Raper, to Pastor Tebow v Mark Sanchez, to Pastor Tebow v the Steelers defense which he TORCHED last season in the playoffs. The Jets may be in trouble if Darrelle Revis does not play in this game. The Steelers are loaded with Road Runner-esque Wideouts in Mike Wallace, Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Saunders. This game can go either way, but I’m going with the Pittsburg Steelers to edge it out with a win.

The Rest:
Kansas City v Buffalo – Buffalo
New Orleans v Carolina – Carolina
Cleveland v Cincinnati – Cincinnati
Minnesota v Indianapolis – Indianapolis
Houston v Jacksonville – Houston
Oakland v Miami – Oakland
Arizona v New England – New England
Tampa Bay v New York Giants – Giants
Dallas v Seattle – Dallas
Washington v St. Louis – Washington
Tennessee v San Diego – San Diego

Stay Classy,
Statz Maneli

I don’t like handshakes

Role Model Roll Call: Remember What Sonny Said

Posted: September 12, 2012 by fonsirelly in Uncategorized

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“Young Calogero:
 Bill Mazeroski, I hate him. He made Mickey Mantle cry. The papers said the Mick cried. 
Sonny: Mickey Mantle? That’s what you’re upset about? Mantle makes $100,000 a year. How much does your father make? If your dad ever can’t pay the rent and needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don’t care about you. Why care about him? 
Calogero: [narrating] After that, I never felt the same way about the Yankees……” A Bronx Tale

 

I’m sitting on the subway, heading home and a young, college-aged black male comes up to me asking for 20 cents. No change in my pocket, only dollars, I obliged (I didn’t receive my MoneyTeam application, it was just his lucky day). Astonished and relieved, the young lad proceeds to ask me a whole bunch of questions, and before I know it, a full conversation is going. After politicking about everything in my life: schooling (Masters and Bachelors in Philosophy), whats dope about Philosophy (uhh, everything) the Redskins (I’m a Giants fan, but pro black QBs, everywhere), the conversation had finally died down.. However, the young dude (whose identity has been hidden to protect the guilty) foolishly asks me a question that not only got him intellectually Diamond Death Dropped (Scott Hall for Mayor), but it got me 3 ill-grills from the niglets sitting around, and one thank you upon leaving the train (by an OG grandmother). I was heading home, and after those few deliberations,  I submit this, as a written reflection of your own priorities, as well.

“Young Black Male: So man, who you thinks gonna win the election? 
Me: I don’t know, Obama has done good things, he kinda deserves to finish his vision for America… And..
YBM: Yea man! we gotta come vote and support, Romney’s getting all the hype with Nicki Minaj and Clint Eastwood, but Obama got Bill Clinton!! Both Black Presidents representin!!!
Me: ……….
Me: :……….
Me: …… YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT?  BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  NOT ONE OF THEM PEOPLE YOU JUST MENTIONED GIVES HALF A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU, OR ANY OF US DO!!!”

I chose to have restraint, and realized I was not in the place to be doing such a thing. So I calmed down and proceeded to explain to the young homey, only because I deciphered thru the conversation he was a young dude trying to make it (a young black man, impressionable, but misguided), and could possibly use some guidance. Celebrities were once fast food workers, security guards, street pharmacists and the like. They had to have a side hustle, but eventually they became literally bigger than most of their own neighborhoods, cities, states, and (sometimes) nations. They are so far removed from their little 2 bedroom apartments, most honestly don’t come back to their old stomping grounds. Ever.  Yet the fact remains, their ability to become a household name comes from the fact that they have transformed how we look at the talents of humankind. 
With that being said, what does it matter what they think? The problem lies in our ability to confuse our feelings of great admiration with the fact that Loc Killa 8700 was in fact a ROTC graduate before he became the thugginest killer ever around (excuse my hyperbole, the artist/reality dilemma is another blog for another day). The point of the last exaggeration is exactly that, celebrities are a gross (as in large, not nasty) exaggeration of what it means to live well. And your desire to wait and decide your actions based on their every idea, is ssa backwards. Them folks got out the hood, you think they made all the changes in their lives to be successful, and stay the same? (Sean Carter taught me that)

I told the young homey simply that those people live a life radically unlike ours. So much, that they understand the little people will do exactly what THEY, as Superstars completely larger than (your) life, want them to do (Need I remind you of Skinny Jeans, Pink Apparel, Long White T’s, Backwards Jeans?). If you need these folks to tell you what’s cool, you truly are more lost than I thought. If you need these folks to tell you what’s relevant, you truly are more gone than you think. If you need these folks to tell you parts of your own identity, you truly need to get out more. 

Simply put, they become Idols, while also becoming isolated instances of human success. And that just adds to their allure, mystique, and popularity. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the arts like everyone else (ART-another day, as well), but if you are a Movie Actor, you honestly cannot expect me to regard your Political Views the same way I play the In the Line of Fire DVD to see Secret Agent Frank Horrigan come thru, crack heads and save the President. Nope. Nope. Nope. (Not to mention Crayola wigged, schizophrenic, big booties talking about politics.. Okay hunny, but yea, just do that one move again). And then, it’s even more hilarious when you folks say “I’m no longer supporting him/her , because of their views on this,” as if you can take back the hundreds of dollars, and hours you wasted giving them your time in the first place. If you never put these clowns (in the very sense of the word, enter-fucking-tainers) on a pedestal, you will never have to worry.. 

Be like Young Calogero. Grow Up.

Your Resident Sensei,
Fonsirelly.