More than often people have the predetermined thoughts about fat people and that shit is annoying. Believe me, I know society follows the majority rules theory but that’s bullshit . It’s just a couple that I want to clear up that I hear often.
Fat People eat anything
Fuck you and kill yourself, I didn’t get fat from just eating honey buns and cupcakes. I got fat from meals and I don’t mean frozen dinners. I probably would be skinny too if my mother didn’t cook every night and I ate oodles and noodles. We didn’t have struggle meals, moms made us real food from scratch.
Fat people stink
Now I have been around some fat stinky motherfuckers. The one thing my mother instilled in me was “people think all fat people stink so always smell your best!” Since I was told that hygiene as always been a top priority to me. Plus, I love to hear women say “oh Dion you smell so good.”
Fat people can’t dress
WELP, when the only clothing they make in your size is sweatpants and MooMoo’s what the fuck you expect from us to do? I couldn’t settle for that, I made it my duty to find fine threads in my size. Sidenote God Bless Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren.
Fat people are lazy
We’re not lazy we just find smarter ways to do things than skinny people do. I’m not doing 3 flights of stairs when there’s a elevator coming, ill just be patient and wait. See skinny people are always in a hurry to get stuff done and then cause a catastrophe. Slow and steady wins the race.
Fat People are lonely
Don’t know about you but lonely hasn’t been in my vocabulary since I was 12. The common misconception is that fat people lack the basic skills and tools it takes to secure a mate. That’s not everybody there are fat men and women that will treat you better than anyone ever have. There’s also those out here that are “fat players”
Now in no way am I saying being fat is the way to be at all. I’m on my way to the treadmill now, but what I’m saying is we are not all fat sloppy balls of funk and puss. A little extra skin doesn’t mean there’s not a human-being underneath of it all.
I wrote this blog to educate and inform people about Jailbreaking, detailing what it is, why you should do it, and finally what the end result might look like.
Is jailbreaking legal? That depends. The latest DMCA rules does not provide an exemption for jailbreaking and rooting tablets, which means jailbreaking your iPad is technically illegal. Jailbreaking your iPhone or iPod Touch is fine, though, which makes absolutely no sense.
Why should I bother jailbreaking? Now, there’s the really important question. For an answer, here are what I think are some of the most compelling reasons to break free of Apple’s control and jailbreak your phone.
What is Cydia?
Cydia is an application that allows you to add other applications to your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch.
A stock device comes with many applications from Apple like: Messages, Calendar, Photos, Camera, YouTube, Stocks, Maps, Weather, Clock, Calculator, Notes, Settings, iTunes, App Store, Phone, Mail, Safari, Voice Recorder, Compass and iPod.
Cydia is similar to the App Store in that it will allow you to add many more applications such as: games, networking applications, productivity applications…etc. It also allows you to change the look of your iPhone. You can select from a variety of themes that change your icons, wallpaper, dock and status bar. You can even use an application called WinterBoard to changes things like your dialer keypad, your Chat bubbles, the color of the WiFi and Signal bars…etc.
Rename & Reorganize Apps
Jailbreaking gives you more freedom over the organization of your apps. You can add an additional row of apps, adjust icon sizes and even add a few more icons to the home screen’s dock, which is handier than it sounds. A Cydia tweak called FolderEnhancer lets you create subfolders, put folders on the dock and customize the way folders generally look and work. Want to get rid of that pesky Newsstand app you never use? Well there’s a Cydia tweak for that too.
Customize the Look And Feel Of iOS
I think Apple does a pretty decent job of polishing the way its mobile OS looks, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the option to change its appearance to your own liking. Jailbreaking lets you do things like change the logo that appears when the device boots, change the lock screen design or overhaul the entire theme. There are some really well-designed custom themes available, but also plenty of gross-looking ones. Cydia is filled with themes and discovering the best ones isn’t easy, so you may want to search the Interwebs for theme options first.
(Pictured below) is my Home Screen w/ a couple of the tweaks I described earlier that are on my phone.
Tether Your Data Connection
Now this is something you can do through your carrier, but jailbroken phones can tether their data connections to other devices (iPad, Playstation 3, XBox 360, Wii etc.) at no extra charge. The MyWi and TetherMe apps are both popular options in Cydia.
Make Google Chrome (Or Anything Else) Your Default Browser
The fact that Apple won’t let you change your default browser is pretty damn dumb. It’s a function that should be available out of the box. BrowserChanger fixes that by letting you choose from several dozen different mobile browsers, including Chrome, Dolphin, Skyfire, Opera Mini and Atomic.
Make The Most Of Siri
When Apple first launched Siri, it gave jailbreak devs a whole new playground in which to experiment. Using the Siri tweaks available in Cydia, you can install chatbots, have Siri tell you jokes, ask it to search YouTube and integrate it with third party apps like Spotify and Waze. In my testing, some tweaks caused Siri to freeze, so proceed with caution.
Play Classic Video Games
Since day one, running video game emulators has been popular among jailbreakers. On Cydia, you can find emulators for a number of classic video game consoles (Nintendo, SNES, Sega Genesis, Gameboy Advance, etc…). These apps don’t come with the games (called ROMs), so you’ll have to do some searching online or grab the EmuROMs app from Cydia.
Improve Security
Jailbroken iDevices have more options in terms of privacy and security, although it’s worth noting that not all of them are necessarily reliable.
The Security section of Cydia offers tools that let you lock down media files and individual apps, install key loggers, encrypt messages, remotely track and wipe your iPhone and make it harder to access the device. There are also tweaks that let you use facial recognition to unlock the device or email a photo of whoever keeps trying to guess your passcode.
Catch a Glimpse Of The Platform’s Future
Yea there’s plenty of junk in Cydia, but the jailbreak app store has become home to some very useful, impressive and well-designed apps, tweaks and themes. In some cases, Apple has not only hired jailbreak developers but stolen ideas directly from the jailbreak community. Before Notification Center arrived in iOS 5, for example, it was something jailbreakers had been been using for quite some time. Things as basic as multitasking and copy/paste were also available via Cydia before Apple implemented them.
By jailbreaking, you can get a glimpse at the future of iOS itself, even if it’s often in an unpolished and experimental form.
There are a plethora of reasons to jailbreak this blog only covers a few that I deemed to be essential. Cydia literally has thousands of tools and tweaks available and developers are always hard at work coding the next experimental feature. Some are better than others. Some are downright awful. A few might screw up your device. But the freedom afforded to you by jailbreaking iOS can be hugely rewarding, not to mention addictive.
And the great thing about it is that even if you mess your phone up while jailbreaking, you can always just restore it using iTunes and act as if nothing happened.
How to Jailbreak Your iPhone
The official tool to Jailbreak your iPhone is done by Evasi0n. I will provide a link for both Windows & Mac OS X below. But you can always simply go to their site and download the latest version at any time: http://evasi0n.com/
Compatible with all iPhone, iPod touch, iPad and iPad mini models running iOS 6.0 through 6.1.2
A computer, running Windows (XP minimum), Mac OS X (10.6 minimum)
An iPhone, iPad or iPod running iOS 6.0 through 6.1.2 (you may check in Settings / General / About => Version)
A USB cable to connect the device to the computer
Important! Read me!
Backup your device using iTunes (or iCloud) before using evasi0n. If something breaks, you’ll always be able to recover your data.
Please disable the lock passcode of your iOS device before using evasi0n. It can cause issues.
Avoid all iOS and iTunes related tasks until evasi0n is complete. Why not just enjoy a brief break from the computer to stretch your legs?
If the process gets stuck somewhere, it’s safe to restart the program, reboot the device (if necessary by holding down Power and Home until it shuts down), and rerun the process.
If you get an error on OS X 10.8 saying that evasi0n can’t be opened, control-click (or right-click) the app and on the revealed context menu, choose ‘Open.’ On the ensuing dialogue box, choose ‘Open’ as well.
Once the process is finished you should then see the Cydia app on your iPhone (as pictured below).
Sections - is where you go to search for tweaks, themes, apps, etc…
Changes - is where you can go to see what new tweaks, themes, apps, have been added and it’s also where you will go when you need to upgrade anything you’ve installed.
Manage - is where you go to see what you have installed (Under Packages) if you need to uninstall something this is where you would go. Sources is where you go to input the url for repositories (sites that contain the apps or tweaks mentioned). Storage is where you would go to see how much space you have left on your device.
Search - is pretty self-explanatory lol, but if you need to find something that you heard about online or from a friend this is where you would go to find it.
In conclusion this is basically a few of the necessary essentials that you need to start you off on your jailbreaking journey. Hopefully this blog was helpful to you. God Speed to you. And remember ALWAYS READ WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE INSTALLING OR APPLYING.
Attached Below is a YouTube video of some the tweaks I have on my iPhone 5 that are available in Cydia. The video was also recorded using a tweak from Cydia.
So one of my followers was getting into it with Killer Mike over one of these billions of PhotoShopped Obama/Dr King pictures and for some strange reason Killer Mike was really upset about it. I read the back and forth banter for a while then it dawned on me “This nigga won a Grammy and now he arguing with ordinary people about pictures of Obama this nigga losing”. How did homie get here? Then it hit me…
1. Rappers fall off everyday B
Unlike being an athlete, singer or an actor falling off from rapping has to be the hardest. Once an athlete’s career is done he can become a commentator, sports analysis and coach or get a job in the front office of some team. Singers can dial down to doing smaller venues after the records stop selling; Boyz II Men are still on tour performing “End of the Road” like twice a week. Once the records stop selling you still have your voice so you can still sing until people stop coming to your shows. Actors can go on to live regular lives with the occasionally “Weren’t you Stacy in the Wood or something?” and if you say no they’ll probably take you at your word as you attempt to sell them a car stereo at Best Buy. Fallen rappers woes go much deeper you can’t go on to be a bank teller at PNC after winning a Grammy niggas are going to know who you are. You have no choice but try to keep the dream alive even after your tour bus turns into a cargo van and your bankroll turns into a prepaid VISA that you’re only suppose to use to buy gas. Media Takeout is going to post pictures of you standing in line a Wal-Mart like they did Beanie and the world is going to laugh at you.
2. I can’t go back to broke
If I’m making 20 bucks an hour I know it will take sweet baby Jesus personally coming down from heaven to get me to go back to making 10 an hour. So if I got to go from balling out of control and dressing like 2Chainz back to driving an average man Jeep Compass and shopping for my clothes in TJ Maxx you might as well kill me. I got to move to a 3rd world country where niggas making like 18 cents a day so I can maintain my balling just a little bit longer. I’d be killing it in the slums of Mongolia with a hut the size of a grocery store.
3. My friends going to want to be put on
If you can’t sing you know you can’t sing nobody is going to have Simon Cowell William Hung you to see it. If you can’t play ball you know you can’t play ball, none of Lebron’s homies are asking for tryouts with the Heat. Every black man under 40 thinks he can rap especially with what’s passing for music these days. Even I think I can rap and I don’t rap at all but I put words together all the time. I’d get my Dylon on in the booth and spit hot fire. So just imagine when all my homies keep showing up at the studio trying to put down their 16 bars on my remix and I got to tell them all to get fuck out of here. I’ll be friendless.
4. I don’t do drugs
I could never get up with my rapper cohorts because they are going to be popping Mollies and I’ll be sitting there sober. They’ll be having the time of their lives smoking loud while drinking prescription grade cough syrup and I’ll be sitting in the corner quietly smoking my black & mild cigar. I don’t want to have seizures like Rick Ross and Lil Wayne. I can’t show up to the party smoking Reggie and drinking children’s strength grape Dimetapp to fit in, they’re going to laugh at me. Just imagine how Rick Ross’s titties bounce when he’s laughing I’d be scarred for life.
5. I’d try to fuck every girl on the video set
Anybody saw French Montana’s “Pop That” video? Of course you did, but if you didn’t go ahead click over to YouTube. Fire that video up I’ll be waiting right here when you get back… You see those half naked women running around shaking ass like shit is sweet? Oh, I couldn’t have been there, at least 1 of them would have gotten fucked before they even started shooting. I’d just grab a few of those Mollies off of Rick Ross and get the party started. I wouldn’t get shit accomplished because I’d be chasing down these video hoes.
I got to stick with this average Joe life
Jean DeGrate won’t be rapping
Another week in the books, and another review just in time for you to make your picks for the week. But before we get to Week 10, a recap of Week 9. In Week 9 we saw the once dominant NFC East continue to struggle to close out games. All four teams in the division lost. The Eagles were not able to capitalize against the New Orleans Saints, which has the worst defense in the NFL. Michael Vick continued to give the other team the ball in his own red zone. Vick was in trouble every time he dropped back to pass , which led to his younger brother, Marcus Vick to tweet a request for the Eagles to trade Michael because of the lack of protection he was receiving in the pocket. The was a Clown tweet, son. The Redskins lost to the one win Carolina Panthers at home, allowing two 90+ yard scoring drives in the process. Both the Skins and the Eagles have gone away from the running game which then allows the defense to stack the line adding more pressure to the QB. America’s Team lost to the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday Night allowing Matty Ice to throw for 342 yards and Burner to run for over a Buck. And then there’s the only above .500 team in the Division, the New York Giants, who lost to Big Ben and the banged up Steelers. The Steelers D forced Eli to produce his worst performance of the season with a 41.1 QB Rating. At this point, it looks as only one team from the NFC East will make the playoffs.
The NFC North looks to be impressive, with wins from the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears. The Packers seem to be back on the right track after a slow start at the beginning of the season. Aaron Rodgers leads the NFL in TD’s with 25 after 9 games. And he is doing so without Greg Jennings and limited play from Donald Driver. As of late, two emerging stars in James Jones and Randall Cobb have help Rodgers remain on his MVP pace of last season. Still a vulnerable spot the team is the defense, which needs to step up to help them remain contenders. A team that doesn’t seem to have a problem defensively though is the Chicago Bears. The Bears defense has 7 TD’s on the season through 8 games, including 2 from Sunday night. They also have 28 takeaways, (17 INT’s, 11 Fum Rec). At mid-season, Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall look to be back to their old form when they played together in Denver. Marshall leads the team in yards ,797, and TD’s with 7. Besides the two of them, the Bears only have utilized one other weapon on offense, Matt Forte. If they plan to go deep into the playoffs, they must find other options if team key in on their playmakers.
Week 9 was not short of great individual performances and stories either. Adrian Peterson is putting up monster numbers still, as he leads the league in rushing all while not being completely 100%. Although the Vikings lost to the Seahawks on Sunday, it was not due to lack of effort on the part of AD. He ran for 182 yards and 2 TD’s, including a burst for 74 yards, proving that he hasn’t lost a step. In the last few weeks it looks as though we’re seeing a Chris Johnson that we somewhat recognize as well. He’s run a lot more consistent over the past four weeks and continues to get stronger. If he keeps this up, maybe he can reclaim his CJ2K nickname from a couple of years back. A guy who I am not surprised at all with that has been putting up monster numbers over the last few games is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ Doug Martin. After putting up 214 total offensive yards and 2 TD’s in Week 8, Martin followed it up with 251 yards on the ground and FOUR TOUCHDOWNS in Week 9. The rookie out of Boise State became the first player in NFL history with 3 TD’s of over 45 yards in one game, one of which went 70 yards and another 67. That performance propelled him to third in the league behind only AD and Marshawn Lynch, and one yard ahead of fellow rookie Alfred Morris. But the story of the week was the presence of Indianapolis Colts Head Coach Chuck Pagano, who is away from the team for the remainder of the season undergoing treatment for leukemia. The Colts have already surpassed their win total from a season ago which provided them with the number 1 overall pick in the 2012 NFL Draft. They are further along than anyone outside of Indy could have imagined. During the game, Andrew Luck performed one of the best games by a rookie QB in NFL History. Reggie Wayne is out here performing like the Reggie Wayne we knew for years. He leads the league in receiving and still may be the best route runner in the league. After the Colts win against the Dolphins, Pagano addressed the team in the locker room to show his gratitude and pride in his young team. This week, many of the Colts players shaved their heads to show support for their coach as he recovers.
Week 9 Results – 10-4
I could have done better if I’d gone with my gut, but whatever.
Week 10 Predictions:
Colts over Jaguars
Giants over Bengals
Dolphins over Titans
Lions over Vikings
Patriots over Bills
Falcons over Saints
Bucs over Chargers
Broncos over Panthers
Ravens over Raiders
Seahawks over Jets
Cowboys over Eagles
49ers over Rams
Bears over Texans
Steelers over Chiefs
Didn’t get the invite to Thanksgiving dinner quite yet?
Is the cold winter ahead going to be a lonely one?
Cuffing season is like a game of musical chairs and when the music stops and you’re left standing… man that shit got to tug at the heart strings. But sometimes you don’t even know you’ve been left standing until the week of Thanksgiving is here and you’re just realizing you didn’t get an invite to dinner. Since I’m Jean DeGrate and I’m awesome as hell I’m going to tell you the top 5 ways to know you’re not in contention for cuffing.
1. No reply to your “Good Morning” text
If you shot a 717a “Good Morning” text to your potential Him/Her on a Monday morning and 9a comes and goes sans a response you’re not getting cuffed. You’re not even a 3rd string option for cuffing season.
2. You only communicate after sundown
If he only acknowledges your existence when the street lights are on you’ve probably moved from the potential cuff lane to the standby jumpoff list. He tweets all day or she IG’s all day but hasn’t sent anything to you other than that single lonely “Good Morning” text. It’s needless to say, but that’s a dead on sign of your priority in their life and the number 1 spot on the roster is not open to you.
3. You’ve never been to his house
A big part of cuffing is the sleepovers so actually being to the person’s place of residence is a major start to that. If all home visits are to your crib but he has his own spot you know what it is. Right? If ya’ll are fucking minus the cuddles then he’s washing up in the sink and creeping out in the dead of night you know what it is. Right? You got to see that overnight bag to know it’s real. You got to spend some quality time at his crib to know it’s real.
4. He hasn’t asked you what you want for Christmas
Despite the sudden upsurge of new Muslims in the last few years; the remaining somewhat Christians still practice exchanging gifts with the woman they plan on keeping throughout cuffing season. (Side note – I don’t trust them new nigga Muslim either I once saw one of them take off his cofi to eat a piece of bacon.) If he hasn’t asked your input on a gift or randomly requested your size for no apparent reason you can not only relinquish the idea of receiving any gifts but also the fact that you’ll make it to the spring.
5. He was out of touch during Hurricane Sandy
If there was ever a great opportunity for a snowed-in dry run it was Sandy. If you were really in the running he would have been in the grocery store the day before shit hit the fan asking you what type of can goods you like. If the storm came and gone but all you got are “You good over there” text you’re on the list for the Unchosen.
Bonus point, not fucking on the regular
If days turn into a week and zero attempts are made to lay it down you should be happy to even know each other still and get comfortable in the friend zone.
Are You One of The Unchosen this season?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
In my younger years I had no morals… i dated bad joints right… thats not the part that deals with my morality but the fact that if they were married, engaged and or had a boyfriend meant nothing to me. With that said fuck you and your judgments and keep reading….When i was 21 I dated this one married sista in her early 30′s. She likes to smoke and was her enabler. We had met at my barbershop and place of business… she would come on a get her meds if you wil.. So after months of this she asked me out and so began our “immoral” relationship.
She was fine, brownskinted and had money.. she loved leather with spikes and colorful clothing…. I think it was cuz she was from NY so she liked all types of flashy shit and she was a Rush type of person, she would do anything for a rush, if it wasnt risky it didnt excite her. So in retrospect i was part of her risky lifestyle. after several months she invited me home to Bushwick part of Brooklyn for her grannys bday and i was down. We headed up i was pushin her Lexus like it was mine, wining and dining and she picked every bill up, it was a glorious time. All she wanted was a young strong buck tending to her.
Ok so we get to her party and it seemed like any ol Jamaican family get together in a community center. music poppin errybody drinkin, food was the best west indian food ive ever had, we was in there sweatin it up doing th ebogle and butterflyin like nobodies business.
About 2 and half hours into the party she leans in and says “My clown ass little cousin gonna do one of his little raps” so off the break im thinkin its some little teenager wanting to rap in front of his nana and family, you know like Apollo style n shit. The DJ finally takes the dancehall off and throws on Flava in Your Ear.. it had come out like the year before and im like oh shit lil dude bout to freestyle on top of this hot track….
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
Busta Rhymes and Rampage walk in and start rappin…. and rappin HARD like in teh damn video, rappin hard as fuck, too hard for a small ass community center with only family around….MY JAW DROPPED… i was tryna keep my laughter in cuz I was expecting the little corny cousins and what i got was Busta Rhymes animated ass in a suede and leather outfit sweatin and rapping… HARD….. in a tiny community center rappin to 50+ yr old ppl WHOO HAAA GOT YOU ALL N CHECK! llls shit was hilarious. I couldnt keep it together we had to leave cuz i couldnt contain my laughter. when we walked back in, she introduced me to both em and we drank and smoked and had a good ass time the rest of the night, they turned out to be cool ass dudes…
So ladies and gentleman i leave you with this…. no matter how much of a star someone is or you think you are… you’re a bamma to somebody aka somebodies corny ass little cousin…… HUMBLE YOSELF….
Oh and the Morality part of the story… thats TO BE CONTINUED in “Dating a Married Woman”
I know you’re thinking “Oh, fuck no that couldn’t be me he’d have to eat this pussy”, but that totally would NOT be the case. You would fall in line just like every other woman I’ve bedded sans oral and this is why…
1. You wouldn’t believe me
Time and time again when I tell a woman I’ve never eaten pussy they always give me the meanest “Nigga Please” face. It’s not possible to be a 30 plus year old sexual active man that has never had his head between any tights. In the midst of her disbelief her “I want to be special” reflex kicks in and she’ll begin her own personal quest to get me to go where I “say” I’ve never been. She’ll fail but get an A for effort though.
2. You want to be first
It’s almost impossible to have a first anything with somebody once they reach the other side of 25 without doing something crazy. “I was the first girl he ever hit it raw in the parking lot of a Denny’s while it was raining”. You’ll get zero Kudos for pulling off such a trivial feat. But to be the first girl he ever gave that mouth to… you’ll win much praise with your girlfriends and a major ego boost. So after saying I’ve never done she wants to be the one I do it for.
3. You’ll get over that shit
I’ve never been about to get the cheeks and the girl looked up at me then said “Slow down buddy you got to lick this pussy before you stick this pussy”. Only dealing with a brand of thirsty nigga will have him pause in his efforts to orally please. I’m clearly not of class of gentleman and it’s written on my face so women know better than to try; so fast forward pass that rule. Once we’ve fucked 7 or 8 times she may find it awkward that she’s never received the head from the kid and ask why. I’ll tell her I’m not about that life, crack a few jokes about why I don’t (i.e. I have high blood pressure so I can’t gamble with the sodium) and continue to fuck as normally schedule.
